


Facing the Impossible

by scruffandyarn



Series: In Your Eyes [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Muteness, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 17:04:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2277756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scruffandyarn/pseuds/scruffandyarn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mending a heart takes time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Facing the Impossible

_______,_

_Sam and I finished our hunt today.  Finally.  Sam kept bitching the entire time--I wanted to strangle him.  But that’s nothing new._

_Interviewed a little girl who saw the werewolf attack her father.  She was adorable--I swear, she had your eyes.  I bet you were just as adorable, if not more, when you were that age._

_Dean_

__******  
*  
**

_**** _

_______,_

_I hate pretending to be a teacher.  Sam and I are currently undercover at a high school, looking for a wraith.  It was one thing, to be a PE coach.  Being a substitute teacher--I’m not cut out for this._

_If you could see me now--I’m in my fed suit, sitting in front of a room full of seventeen year old brats who think they know more than me.  Trouble is, they probably do.  I know about killing all kinds of things--what the hell do I know about calculus?_

_Dean_

__******  
*  
**

_**** _

_______,_

_I miss you.  I miss being able to call you up and I miss hearing your voice.  Bobby says you still haven’t said anything.  I wish there was something I could do to help you.  If there is, please, find a way to let me know._

_Dean_

__******  
*  
**

_**** _

_______,_

_You would have loved where Sam and I went this week.  You’ll never guess, so I’ll just tell you--a dude ranch.  That’s right.  A freaking dude ranch.  I didn’t know those things existed anymore._

_Found the vamp pretty easily.  Killing it was a little trickier, but we managed.  The owner told us we’re welcome back anytime for free riding lessons._

_One day, I’m going to bring you back here and we’re going to get those free riding lessons.  Well, you will.  I’ll just watch and growl at all the ranch hands who try to hit on you._

_Dean_

__******  
*  
**

_**** _

_______,_

_Everything hurts._

_Ghosts suck._

_That is all._

_Dean_

__******  
*  
**

_**** _

_______,_

_A woman hit on me tonight.  That feels so weird writing it down like a confession or something.  But she asked me to go back to her place.  I thought about it._

_But I couldn’t.  All I could picture was your face--that cute way you scrunched up your nose whenever some woman would completely ignore you to flirt with me.  And without even realizing it, I just got up and walked away from her.  Couldn’t even stay in the bar after that.  Left Sammy to cover my tab and everything._

_He says I shouldn’t tell you this.  That you might feel guilty for holding me back or whatever.  Don’t.  You’re not holding me back or keeping me from anything.  I don’t want anything else._

_I told you before that I’d wait.  I meant it then and I mean it now.  I’ll wait.  Forever if I have to.  I want to--because it’s you._

_Damn, I gotta stop drinking.  Too many chick-flick feelings going on right now._

_Dean_

__******  
*  
**

_**** _

_______,_

_I hate my younger brother.  Seriously.  He is such a pain in the ass.  He hasn’t stopped laughing since the witch put a curse on me.  Damn it._

_OK, so maybe I don’t hate Sammy.  But I really REALLY hate witches.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to conduct an investigation when you’re forced to rhyme what you say to whatever the person before you said?_

_And if that wasn’t bad enough, Sammy thought it would be hilarious to introduce me as Detective Orange.  That way he could end all of his questions with ‘What do you think, Detective Orange?’  Ha-freaking-ha._

_I swear, I hate him.  And witches._

_Dean_

__******  
*  
**

_**** _

_______,_

_I love you._

_Dean_

__******  
*  
**

_**** _

_______,_

_Look, about that letter I sent out last night--feel free to tear it up or whatever.  I don’t want you to feel like you’re under any sort of pressure or anything.  It was just a heat of the moment kind of thing._

_My head’s not in a good place right now.  We were hunting a siren, and she looked just like you, and Sammy said that it proves that I love you and...I don’t know.  But, whatever I am feeling, you are under no obligation to feel it back.  Maybe you could, once, but I understand why you can’t now.  I don’t like it, but I understand._

_Dean_

__******  
*  
**

_**** _

_______,_

_Sam and I will be coming back by Bobby’s in a few days.  Might even beat this letter back.  Fingers crossed that all goes well with the end of this hunt._

_Dean_

********  
_*_   


****

You sat on the porch steps of Bobby’s house, holding the most recent letter Dean had mailed to you.  He hadn’t made it back before the letter got to you, but maybe he’d be back today.  Maybe not.  Either way, you were going to wait.

He’d been gone for several months.  Every other week or so, he’d managed to send you a letter.  Each one of them reminded you more and more of the Dean you fell in love with.  Each one cemented the fact that the ‘Dean’ who’d tortured you wasn’t the same person (not really even a person at all, actually).

“Sam just called.”  Bobby informed you, stepping out on the porch.  You looked up at him and he gave you a half-smile.  “They’ll be here in a bit.  You wanna wait inside?”  You shook your head, sliding this latest letter back into it's envelope and setting it next to you on the step.  “You want me to wait out here with you?”

He had a valid reason to be concerned about this meeting.  When Dean and Sam had left, you still hadn’t been able to actually look at Dean without having a fairly severe, albeit quiet, panic attack.  Yes, you’d started writing little letters back to Dean before he left, but face-to-face interaction had been non-existent.  Bobby knew how broken you felt--and how helpless Dean felt because of it.  He didn’t want this reunion to cause either of you any more pain.

You shrugged in response, trying to convey nonchalance, even though your head screamed at you to run.  That this was a trap.  That the moment you saw him, you were going to be back in that room, tied to that chair, blood spilling from some new laceration.  

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to do this.  Dean will be disappointed, but he’ll understand.”  

You liked Bobby.  Just as he had for Dean and Sam, he’d become the father you hadn’t had growing up.  You knew he meant well, but you also knew you had to face this.  To face Dean.  You were a hunter, damn it.  Even though the injuries to your leg meant that you’d probably never be able to actually hunt again, you weren’t going to live in fear.  Your answer was to turn back towards the road.  

“Alright.  Guess I’ll just wait out here with you then.”  To your surprise, he moved the letter over and sat down on the step next to you.  You looked over at him, questioning him with your gaze.  “What?  A man ain’t allowed to sit on the steps of his own porch, now?”  You rolled your eyes and shook your head at him.  He sighed as you leaned your head on his shoulder.

  
*  
       


“______, hey,” Bobby nudged you with his elbow, startling you.  You hadn’t meant to fall asleep.  How long had you been out?  “Relax, sweetheart.  It’s just me.”  You’d gotten better at not lashing out if someone woke you, so it only took a few deep breaths to calm yourself and realize where you were.  “Impala’s coming.  Thought you might want to be awake for this.”  You rolled your eyes again.  He chuckled when your head jerked towards the road at the sound of an engine.  “You gonna do that whole movie bit where you run to him?”  He didn’t stop chuckling, even when you elbowed him in the side.  

The sleek black vehicle pulled to a stop a few meters from where you sat.  You saw Sam get out of the passenger seat and stretch.  When there was no movement from the driver’s side, he leaned down and peered back through the open window of his door.  You couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying, but a few moments later, you heard the driver door open and watched as Dean got out of the car.

Dean turned around to face the house.  Immediately, his eyes locked on to yours.  Your fingers flexed on their own, and Bobby took one of your hands in his.  You looked over at him, trying to hide your panic.

“Last chance, ______.” He smiled gently.  “Either I take you back in the house now, or you best get over there.”  You nodded and squeezed his hand before releasing it and pushing yourself up from the step.  

You looked back to find Dean still staring at you.  Even though he appeared calm, you knew, just by how tightly his jaw was clenched, that he had to be just as nervous about this as you were.  That thought helped to calm your own jitters as you began walking slowly to him.

Dean started to move towards you, but Sam caught his eye and got him to stop.  Your leg was screaming at the distance you were pushing it, but in your heart you were thankful.  This had to be you.  You had to make this trek--you had to be able to decide that you could do this.  The last thing you wanted was for Dean to continue walking towards you only to have your head decide that you couldn’t do this and turn you around, making you retreat to the safety of Bobby’s house.

Your leg was throbbing along with your heart when you finally made it.  You were standing right in front of Dean, staring in those same eyes that had caused you so much pain--no--those same eyes that had suffered right along with you.  The ones that had been so afraid when they spotted you tied to that chair.  The ones that had held so much sadness when they saw how terrified you were of him.  The ones you knew would willingly accept all of your hurt if it meant you were OK.

“Hey.”  Sam broke the silence after watching you and Dean just stare at each other for a few minutes.  “Good to see you moving around.”  You looked over and smiled, receiving a ridiculously huge grin in return.  “I’ll be inside if either of you need me.”  He grabbed his duffel from the back seat and headed to the house.  You turned your attention back to Dean.  He was still staring at you--actually, he hadn’t stopped even when you’d looked over at Sam.

“Did you get my letters?”  He asked, finally, jamming his hands into his pockets.  You nodded, reaching out and wrapping your fingers around his wrists.  He let you pull his hands from his pockets, and when your hands finally clutched his, he started staring at them instead.  “I’ve missed you.”  Slowly, he rubbed his thumbs along your fingers.  “Can I hug you?”  It was surreal, hearing this brave, strong hunter asking you permission for a hug.  You nodded and slowly, you found yourself enveloped in his arms.

You nuzzled against his chest and you felt him relax completely against you, as if he’d been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and you were giving him reprieve.  You’d missed this.  So much.  Being able to lighten his burden, if only for a moment.  You liked that he’d face anything with a cocky grin on his face, but you loved knowing that he saw you as his safe harbor.

Gently, you stepped back--not enough to be out of his embrace, but enough that you could reach into the back pocket of your jeans.  You pulled out a piece of paper and held it out to him.  He took it, keeping one hand around you, as if he was afraid you’d disappear if he stopped touching you.  He cocked an eyebrow, but you just nodded at the paper.  With nimble fingers, he unfolded the top half of the paper with one hand, frowning as he recognized the motel stationary and his own handwriting.  He looked back at you, but you just smiled and nodded at the paper again.  He used his thumb to unfold the bottom half and you watched as his eyes quickly darted over what you’d added at the bottom.  Those eyes of his lit up in a way you’d never seen before as your message finally sunk in.

“Really?”  His gaze was back on you and you grinned at the sheer happiness on his face.  You dropped your gaze down to his lips and then back up to his eyes.  Now he had that shit-eating-grin on his face.  He shoved the paper in his own back pocket before wrapping you back up in his arms and claiming your lips with his.

Maybe you still weren’t ready to actually vocalize the words, but that would come.  With the help of this hunter and the green eyes that you were finally able to find beautiful again--nothing was impossible.

  
       


_______,_

_I love you._

_Dean_

_****  
** ** _

_Dean,_

_I love you, too._

_**______** _


End file.
